***TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS LIST: Murder, loss of family, SA, racism, slavery, child SA, cannibalism, colonialism)

I don't know about you, but some of the books that sit with me the longest areI know that many people read to escape. And I'm fine with that! But me... I don't. I read to understand the world. And I read to empower myself with perspective and information. I love a book that challenges everything I believe and forces me to reconsider my view of the world. Especially books that challenge the picture i have of other people, their culture, and their position in society. Which means that, while unintentional, some of my favorite books are quite... heavy.

Let's talk about em!!!

Five of the most disturbing books I read in 2024!

1: KINDRED

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**Kindred **follows Dana, a Black woman who is supernaturally being transported back and forth between modern-day America and the Antebellum south, is forced to live--and work--on the very plantation where her paternal ancestor (the plantation owner's son) is pining after her maternal ancestor (a slave). This book is filled with heavy conversations and terrifying questions about what would happen if your very survival depended on you developing community with your oppressor. Against her own will, Dana is forced into a situation where her only chance at ensuring her own birth is to stay close to the man who would eventually own--and commit great crimes against--her ancestors. She must wrestle with some of the hardest choices of her life, choices where there is no right answer, and to choose between the Black women who need her, and her own life. All while slowly coming to terms with the fact that she has no power, and the choices that leave her so conflicted are not actually choices at all.

This book ruined me. I read it early this year and I don't think I've been able to go a week since without thinking about it. It not only refused to shy away from the horrors of slavery, but it added a new perspective by asking Black people who were born into freedom to consider how little power we have, even now, to confront the systemetic oppression that we face. I encourage every person, regardless of race, to read this book and to really sit with the horrors that Dana is forced to endure.

2. Tender is the Flesh

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Marcus lives in a world that has given up animal meat due to a mysterious disease that he is fairly certain the government has completely fabricated. Why? Because the alternative they have landed on is stripping certain parts of the human population of their humanity so that they can farm them like animals. Marcus is not confused on the horror that his society is living through. He questions whether this mysterious disease even exists, and internally believes that the farming of humans is evil. However, that hasn't stopped him from participating in the system by working as a butcher. It is his job to prepare the "meat" for purchase. He objects to the practice, but knows how little power he has to change anything. So instead of resisting, he complies with the evils of his society and becomes an active part of the problem.

Which is bad enough as it is. But when he is gifted his own human being--a privilege that only the most wealthy have--by his employer, he must make decisions beyond just whether he will keep his job. Now, he is directly responsible for the life of a human being who has stripped of her personhood and turned into meat.

This book was haunting to read. And it took me months to come to terms with it's horrific content. But I would still call it one of the best books I have ever read. It has conversations about the horrors of capitalism and the way it strips women of their autonomy and personhood. It has conversations about the complicity of the every day person, who complies with the evils of their day out of a conviction that they have no power to actually resist. And it challenges us, as the readers, to CARE about the way systemic oppression robs its victims of identity.

I am certain cannabalism is not most of our cup of tea...but trust me. If you can stomach the content, this is a book you want to read!

3. Parable of the Sower

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Lauren is a teenage Black girl in a futuristic America where society is quickly crumbling due to climate disaster and social/political unrest. She lives in what used to be a middle class neighborhood, but is now walled off from the world to protect them from any outside visitors. Due to their deteroriating climate and the country's political problems, America has become a deadly enviornment to live in. Most Americans work from home and only leave their neighborhoods when they absolutely most. The rich are getting richer and everyone else has been reduced to an unsurvivable shadow of a life.

As a result of all of that, massive companies are taking advantage of their growing power by building entire towns around their corporations so that they can entice people into signing over their freedoms in exchange for some semblance of freedom and provision. And Lauren is watching studiously as her nation is regressing into its worst version of itself. Slavery is making its way back. Murder, assault and crime are not just on the rise...but are the norm now. Entire communities are being destroyed. Families wiped off the map. This is the worst of the worst.

And in the midst of it, Lauren is challenging everything she believed about the world. Her politics, her religion, her understanding of humanity and what the world can look like. She is not content with just surviving this nightmare. She wants to fight for a future she can live with.

This book (along with it's sequel: Parable of the Talents) is often talked about as prophetic, because it so closely mirrors the trajectory our country is currently on. Even down to a presidential election where a dictator is fighting for control of the country, using the slogan "make america great again". This book has massive conversations about climate change, racism, misogynoir, colonial religion, and so much more! Especially once Lauren is forced to flee her home and build a new community that is fighting for change.

This is one of the most important books you will ever read!!!! Buy it immediately if you haven't already!

4. Fledgling

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Until yesterday, **Tender is the Flesh **and **Kindred **were the only books I had ever read that truly horrified me. But now, **Fledgling **absolutely belongs on that list. It follows what appears to be a young Black girl who wakes up extrememly injured and with no memory of what happened or of who she is. Immediately, she sets off on a journey to figure out where she belongs, which is when she happens upon a man in his early twenties who finds her walking along the highway. Together, they find out that she is actually a 58 year old Vampire--still a child among her people--who needs to develop bonds with humans for her own survival. Bonds that go far beyond just drinking blood.

Throughout the story, she works tirelessly to uncover her own identity, to figure out who is responsible for the horrible crime that killed most of her family, and to build a new family with which she will start over.

This book has heavy themes from start to finish. Racism, abuse, sexual coersion, loss of family, conversations about consent and power imbalances. And it does all of it through horrifying lenses. Including the fact that, while our main character is 58, she is in the body of a child and building very intimate relationships with adults. And simaltaneously, her relationships are all with people who are phychologically/superaturally tied to her through the chemicals in her venom.

This book horrified me from start to finish. And when I spoke about it online, I found that many of the people who read it were not even able to finish it. And for good reason.

With that said, miss Octavia Butler is a genius and the conversations this book had challenged me deeply. I will be sharing much more about that in another post where I review the book fully. For now, I just want you to remember that every single theme that horrifies you in this book is a very real, and very common, experience for a lot of Black girls. And that is something that I think more of us need to seriously wrestle with. Octavia's career was marked by her unwillingness to shy from the horrors of real-world oppression.

5. Bad Cree

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Bad Cree follows a young indigenous (Cree Nation, obviously) woman named Mackenzie. She is being haunted by dreams and omens that point her toward a previous tregedy where she lost her sister at her family's lakefront campsite. Since that tragedy, she has avoided the lake--and her family--but now, if she wants to ever know peace again, she is going to have to return home and face the monsters that refuse to loosen their grip on her...and her family.

Now, strictly speaking, this book wasn't horrifying in the way you expect from its genre. But it left a mark on me that I'll never forget. It asked massive questions about the very real monsters that are born out of colonization and imperialism. It had very similar vibes to **Jackal **by Erin Adams, which only barely missed out on being on this list.

Concluding Thoughts

I want to be clear... I warned you that these books are HORRIFYING. These are not light reads. They are not books that I recommend you take on vacation or read beside the pool while the family splashes around. These are the types of books that you need to prepare yourself to dive into. They are deep, they are dark, and they are HONEST about the world we live in. Horrifyingly honest.

I do think each and every one of them is worth reading and will, in fact, challenge your view of the world in a very necessary way. But go in knowing that it is going to be a difficult read.

With that said, I hope you check them all out and I look forward to hearing about your experience.

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